An Anchorage Bike Messenger Thing

So there I was...

2011-12-21T23:31:00.000-09:00

And here I am now and there's a thought in my head something about being a bike messenger and just what that all means, the thought is so profound and so true but the words fail me and when I read this in the hangover future I might remember that thought and I just might find those words so true and so profound to say what I need to say, one bike messenger to another. Yeah, I know it's a Beatles number but when they do it I just don't buy it. Now Cocker....you know, we can talk about our personal shit, one bike messenger to another, it may be different shit but we have that same background noise in our heads, that thing that well....you know?.

She was...

2011-11-29T03:42:00.001-09:00

Classic and ahead of her time.
She was so cool she could freeze an ocean
with just a glance.
She was at the same time so hot that
she could bring that same ocean
to a boil
with a different glance.
Someday she'll come back to us
back from the land of stupid..
Until then I remember you and what you were
and what you can be
and now heres a cute little video from the seventies...

That's how we roll. Alaska

2011-11-10T20:53:00.001-09:00

I think that means something

I just might quit this messenger thing

2011-10-26T18:55:00.003-08:00

But I'm okay with that because if you keep going like this you get a little bit (no disrespect intended, my messenger family but you know what I mean) like that, and I'm close so close I can taste it, call me Rorschach.

Let's have a tea party where we ocupy some streets

2011-10-17T21:09:00.002-08:00

If every one who's kind of pissed off about how things are going got together and talked like grown-ups, then maybe we could skip past all the bullshit figure out the real reasons we're all pissed off and call me silly but maybe fix them and go explore space. Now here's an eighties song with almost cheerful overtones.

<br>YYeah do me like that youtube,

To 10-9 day two days late and a doller short

2011-10-12T00:03:00.000-08:00

Photo shamelessly stolen from pilderwaser.com

And tonight my mind was so full of fuck

2011-10-04T23:26:00.002-08:00

Thoughts of death and loss and then as I rode home I started singing and the good thoughts just pushed out the bad as I sang the song that happened to be in my head.Maybe because that silly song, that song about the bicycle with the sexual overtones made me think of you and it's true what I'm going to do to you. And maybe you're what I need you to push out the negative and it's true. We're going to gallop all night and it's true.

Video of the day

2011-08-28T00:21:00.001-08:00

About the Moose...........they're whores

2011-08-09T01:35:00.001-08:00

Someday I hope to be free.

2011-07-09T01:19:00.003-08:00

"I hate you for better reasons then you hate me"
Jim Goad.
Oh, god how I hate, how I wish all humanity had one neck so I could throttle you all at once or whatever that guy said.
The polite "No thank you but that is a lovely carving" becomes "Fuck off, I live here, if you're really hurting for a bottle, check with me in November babe."
Kirk why do you drink in the middle of the day?
I prefer to think of it is doing informal volunteer work, keeping retires company.
Truth is so I don't have a gun, no I don't have a gun?
Summer is a bummer for the messenger.
Come in have a beer, stick around for the floor show.
Humanize the others, maybe flash the twins.
make the hate and anger go away,
Thank you, for making tourist season suck a little softer.

Someday I'm gonna quit this messenger shit, really this time I mean it.

2011-07-01T01:00:00.003-08:00

It's not as dark as it seams if you saw the movie, in the next five minutes Painless under goes a sort of rebirth.

Videos of the day

2011-06-30T23:52:00.005-08:00

As I struggle to write the definitive Sarah Palin post I think these two might come up.

I already used this one but I find it just so strange that I would ever use this in relation to Pallin but oddly it works, somehow? I fear that when I figure just how that video applies to her and somehow because we grew up here at the same time I know it might, maybe it's the way she ripped through the republican party on the way to become Governor and maybe it's the way she fucked with the oil companies like no other Governor R or D has ever before in this state where every one in office sucks the big oil dick, I know she has her flaws in fact I coined a rule of politics during her term "Don't do the same shit that the guy you ran against did" If I had lived elsewhere ironically enough I would have called that the "Obama rule", now to be fair I call it the Palin/Obama rule", but she's more Patti Smith then Pat Nixon........ and that just might mean our one hope for true freedom in 2012 might be some chick from the valley and that scares me and it should scare you too. Just ain't right. So, once again I give you the thought that in the upside down world of today just maybe, Sarah Palin is a.....

And she has no guilt.............

They keep asking

2011-06-30T22:56:00.004-08:00

What's it like being a bike messenger in Alaska? Well, most of the time it feels like this, when it's good it feels like this. In the winter it looks like this, in summer it looks and feels more or less like this.

and it's a little like that and it's getting to be a little like this.

Videos of the day

2011-06-24T02:08:00.003-08:00

Sometimes you can't really put it in words. This song is for you my brothers!

If it's tourist season...

2011-06-24T00:55:00.003-08:00

....why can't we shoot 'em? That's a little joke we tell ourselves Downtown, yeah it's a joke and we never dream about siting on a roof with a scoped MP-5SD looking for matching jackets and gift shop bags, no never. They're an important part of the economy and all. there's no hate behind the smile.
Welcome to Anchorage.
I hope you enjoy your stay.
Now could you please
get the fuck out of my way.
No hate behind that smile.
Have a nice day,
asshole.

Videos of the day

2011-06-16T01:35:00.003-08:00

Give me a P! Give me a T! Give me an S! Give a D! What's that spell

2011-06-08T23:41:00.004-08:00

Some times I find myself thinking back to the days of dodging .22 automatics and the later days of dodging 22 ton trucks and 2 ton cars and somehow when I think about these things falling upon my brain one after the other and my mind is just so full of fuck and I can barely hang on, just the thought of you, well, it helps me keep it together.

So, there I was.

2011-06-08T22:39:00.002-08:00

Much love to Bob the Guy.

I used to think I was depressed

2011-05-31T23:28:00.005-08:00

Then I realized that things are really depressing. You know shit like the economy, politics where it seams like whichever party wins, we lose, the state of "this messenger thing" and all the usual fucked up shit that happens. When I think of these things it's late and I'm tired, maybe I had a drink more then I should have. Yeah, I get a little dark. Most of the time when I'm too preoccupied with life and stuff to be pecking away at some silly blog I'm actually one happy son of a bee. Oh one little thing. Sorry about the necro video, speaking as a feminist myself I knew it was wrong, I might even be offended if I were still capable of of that but dam I am that cocksure on the road. I can't pretend I'm any better I use and abuse other human beings for my own gratification I just do it a little differently, can I look down on The Sexorsist and Max Hardcore? No fuck that noise I knew it was wrong and I did it because it was rightWhat's your name? Who's you Daddy?Is he rich like me? Has he taken any time to show you what you need to know?

Analogies can break down.

2011-05-26T23:31:00.002-08:00

In an earlier post I tried to make an analogy between driving a car and packing a gun. Just one key area where that breaks down. You pick up a loaded gun you know you have a dangerous object under your control at least most people even the nut jobs get that one. The average driver turns the key and gives it no thought what so ever and most people don't. Heck, you want to take anothers life don't shoot them run 'em over when they're walking or riding a bike. "I swear to God, I just didn't see 'em. Yeah that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Just wandered out in front of my car.

Just another night in the "messenger bar"

2011-05-26T21:33:00.009-08:00

Once upon a time I would have been on the other end of the. "Our van ran out of gas outside of 'The Messenger Bar*', rescue us." phone call. This just wouldn't have happened not on our watch. We knew better, back then it we knew to say." Screw the van, get the band the fuck out of Darwin's before they talk them into playing a song or two, for a couple of drinks, immediate rescue, like Dunkirk, baby! You with the pick-up, you with the wagon, go to the rescue. Do it for the sake of their second set." This was before they started drinking, before the rescue arrived.

*It's like, this obscure insider Darwin's/bike messenger joke and it's dam funny too. Trust me have I ever lied to you before at least that you know about?

Is it the song or is it the car?

2011-05-19T00:41:00.008-08:00

I like these songs kind of, well, sort of, kind of, but I love the Jeepster and the DS-19.
I don't hate cars some I can love some of the classics, even, but for me driving a car is like packing, a deadly weapon, I hate it when morons miss-use either one but that's going to happen regardless of the laws we pass. Ya' gotta have some style, any moron can drive a Subaru or pack a Glock or ride a trendy bike, fixie , "Dutch Style" or the flavor of the month, a man of style packs a 1911, Hi-Power or CZ-75 in his vintage automobile or riding a steel bicycle . No drinking, driving and packing at the same time, just pick one or maybe two long as the first four letters in one of the two aren't d r i n. Got to be responsible. A little drinking and bike riding? Start slow build skill's first and accept responsibility for your own stupidity and of course no carrying your guns. Just a thought here let's have an open carry critical mass. I had a hard time backing "Critical mass" because doing something already legal in a big group like that just pisses people off. I never got behind the "Open carry" thing because doing something already legal like that in big groups just scares the shit out of people. Now combine the two........just maybe a cyclist can get a little respect in this town?

We in Alaska now.

2011-05-09T20:39:00.003-08:00

Buddy you don't have to be afraid of that old man over there.
He looks kind of mean but he's just like you.
Come to think of it I know that guy, known him for a long time.
Let's flag him over.
Come on over here meet your brother you don't know.
Another Summer old friends make new friends.
Don't worry baby we's in Alaska .

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

2011-04-30T00:55:00.003-08:00

Better minds then mine have said it about the sad state of this messenger thing that is not as good as it once was. In my messenger bag like many I have used before it, is a pocket, the perfect size and shape to carry a half-pint. Never crossed my mind, never had the time to do it, just didn't notice, never really gave it a thought, until a very cold Thursday this last winter. They don't sell half-pints Downtown, never bothered me before, that little legacy from swinging fast buck seventies meets bible thumping eighties. Now I'm not talking' about getting drunk, just a nip here throughout the day. On busier colder days, never gave it a thought, didn't have the time to have the thought. The challenge seams missing or the challenging jobs are fewer, and this video I can relate to but....................

Thnikin'

2011-04-29T23:20:00.005-08:00

Thinkin' about that little boy back in the seventies riding on those great big old DC-10's and those big ole' L-1011's going across this big ole' country of ours going to see his Daddy in Washington D.C. and now he's a grown man forty-five years old and Daddy's gone and it's still hard.

Good show Mr. Newman

2011-04-21T01:19:00.002-08:00

I'm okay with you not playing my request and if that was you Monday night in Darwin's sorry I didn't buy you a drink and kiss your ass a little but we get a lot of celebrity look a likes round here.

Drunken love note.

2011-04-12T03:36:00.005-08:00

Not to long ago was the twelfth anniversary of our first date. It seams like yesterday but we were so much younger then, yet we've aged so little, somehow? This video reminds me of our first dates, tho not as much intoxication and not as euro-hip-hop but we were just as hip and sensual back then at "Bernie's" and "D Street" and those other places not there or not that hip anymore and these days we're more homebodies with maybe a night out at that place near work a little rough around the edges but it's home.

Drinkin' and thinkin'

2011-04-12T02:50:00.003-08:00

Edited some semi-recent posts you'll have to find them yourselves as sleepytime was hours ago. Play me out.

If it wasn't for your misfortunes I'd be a hevenly person today.

2011-03-29T22:43:00.004-08:00

A long time ago I was on the college radio and I used to work with this very sweet girl who had the show one show before mine and sometimes we would go on the air together, it was great it sounded like "the Dirty Old Man and the Sweet Little Girl show" it was dam fine radio. Her air name was "Blue Velvet" and she had never seen the film by the same name. Her opening song was "Blue Monday" Ironically it's become my theme song these days somehow the lyrics seam to apply to this messenger shit I'm doing, on the road mistreated and abused in this coupling with traffic only the rhythm is more bossa-nova.. I still think about her. I miss her and I hope she's happy now, I hope she's found the same kind of love I have and I still like to think that she is my friend but that's me. And I still find it so hard to say what I need to say.

The first rule of "Fight Club"?

2011-03-13T03:00:00.002-08:00

So I had found myself in a conversation that caused me to get really fucking drunk in order that I could forget having it and I did. I tried to change the subject to the recent past and it hit me later on the ride home to loaded to remember who I had been talking to,We all get a tad nostalgic but truth be told no matter who you are, it's true.

In the "messenger bar" tonight..

2011-03-09T23:59:00.007-09:00

My buddy brought in some of his work buddies, he kept introducing me as the farthest north cycle messenger. I was honor bound to correct him because cats have been working Helsinki for years and I hear there are a couple cats north of that in Finland. There may or may not have been messengers in Fairbanks, might have been a summer only thing, in that case who gives a flying fuck at a rolling donut? Year round that's some balls or ovaries, I may be one bad motherfucker.... but I won't take credit where it's not due. I do think if the Finns, the phantoms of Fairbanks, some of my redneck buddies and I get together, we happy cold weather drunkards, oh we happy few that have lived the word "Snotcycle" it's gonna be a motherfuckin' party.

Just sayin'

Not again

2011-03-07T23:29:00.002-09:00

Every time I turn around there you are and someday you'll be there for me.

Oh, yes I'm going insane, you know I'm laughing at the freezing rain

2011-03-04T23:25:00.013-09:00

I heard that lyric from Steely Dan at first it didn't mean much but after fourteen years of this messenger shit, it makes sense as I put on my bad sneakers and raise up my pina colda because when the difficult things raise their ugly heads it just gets funny. Meet me at the bar, the coffeeshop I'm a quite and modest guy unless I'm really loaded but on the road NSFW I'm this guy's attitude.

Video of the day

2011-02-24T00:49:00.006-09:00

Sometimes I wish to speak of philosophy, of the world and how it should be and how it is. I want to speak of things I think might happen. I want to speak of ideas, of dreams and how to make them real. I want to speak of love and understanding. I want to say things so simple they become complex. I want to talk of joy and love. I just want to offer some helpful hints to my friends. BTW I didn't post this to endorse any product I posted this for the advice on shotguns, just have to add to the bit for apartment dwellers, your first two are birdshot after that we go to buck and slug city.

Right now I want to say something...

2011-02-15T00:11:00.005-09:00

Sweet and romantic but I can't find the words and it has a lot to do with us and just a little to do with cycling on ice. So a little song about cycling, yeah cycling ..............?

Bobby died.

2011-01-19T02:23:00.007-09:00

I can not pretend that we were great friends and all. We just bumped into each other from time to time.He was one of the early winter riders, rockin' an old road bike turned hybrid before the climate change, he broke his collar bone when the change hit, you, you yuppie winter hipsters are not even fit to lick the sweat from his balls even spread on buns from that rustic bake shop you pussies like. For there was a Man.I liked him and I miss him.

The more you hate the stronger she becomes

2011-01-10T03:32:00.006-09:00

Until she becomes an anti-hero but ya'all always said you wanted to see a strong independent woman in politics but you got her.Sarah Pallin Rock n' Roll .......You 420 types think O'bummer is going to cut you a break. I don't think so. Now my girl, Sarah she's from the valley...

Place holder

2011-01-05T02:59:00.003-09:00

Happy new year, mother fuckers!

It's late, here's an update

2010-12-15T02:16:00.006-09:00

I do this blog when I have time to myself and sometimes I post an idea and I'm just too tired, lit or some combo to really do it right. I delete the ones that really suck and leave the ones that just kind of suck. This one I just had to flesh out. I might do that from time to time. I like to throw in a video or picture with my posts. Lately for the videos I've been favoring the local hip-hop/rap stuff (I'm a square middle-aged white suburbanite these day's forgive me if I fuck-up the labels) because it reminds me of some stuff I heard about back in my youth. Yeah the background music was different, the complexions lighter, not as much public violence, etc. and they's all just stories second hand and I can't remember names for crap,but then music videos weren't made. Just lot's of cash floating around legitimate and some ...............shenanigans ensued according to the stories but here in Alaska it's the same story just different players and I don't give a fu.. if your from Cali, you don't wanna role up on my fat white ass in a deep dark alley...........

Dear Mr. Randy Newman,

2010-11-29T01:18:00.003-09:00

I've been a fan of yours since the "Short People" day's. Don't get me wrong that was a brilliant song but what won me over, well... I was just eleven or twelve years old flying on an airline that don't exist anymore called Northwest Orient and on their country music channel was some of your earlier work along with Tom Waits. I was going from Anchorage, Alaska to Washington D.C. to see my Daddy who was from Texas and I've been a fan ever since and anyway my wife and I have tickets to the Anchorage show and I was just wandering if you could play a song for me, maybe as dedication to our last Governor .just a thought?

Sarrah Pallin's Alaska

2010-11-19T01:46:00.007-09:00

It's a T.V. show a dream, a fantasy it's a dream and that's okay. On the one hand the show sells Alaska and it's a wonderful place and it's people are proud people in the video above is a white sounding guy from Spenard performing rap in L.A. that might only make sense to Alaskans (You might get the feeling behind it but it might be hard for you to fully understand it unless your from here), now that's balls and we're like that. On the other it seams to be about selling Mrs. Pallin's beliefs and that's okay, I guess. That's what makes it a dream. A dream may seam real to the dreamer and it might be close to reality but it's still a dream. So, I just got to be an asshole and say. "Shit ain't like that!" There's more nuances and stuff.To wit we;re all republican and shit but 48% of us who bother to vote will vote for any proposition to legalize weed and well ..... Enjoy the show but it's not like your Alaska or my Alaska and it's not like others Alaska.

Like sheets of glass

2010-11-16T22:52:00.006-09:00

Polished to a mirror finish as I rode home tonight. A mirror that reflects back ones soul and the face of that one you love dear, the one you can't bear to say to once again. "Honey, I hurt myself again, sorry." Winter hits fast and she hits hard, blink for a second and the sparkly, soft and wet becomes hard, cold, slick and dry, As you rode the sheets of shiny ice on the new longtail bike you thought. "How can I be happy when so much is just so fucked up?" That mirror reflects back whats going on behind your back, the things you see ahead aren't much cause for joy but you remain upright, you ride and you try to enjoy the happy while you have it. Like sheets of glass, shiny like a mirror, and now home and warm I think about what a friend in the emerald city wrote.

When the streets sparkle like diamonds.

2010-11-12T20:54:00.004-09:00

During those between season times, when fall turns to winter or when winter turns to spring. In the daytime pavement is naked and exposed but wet. You wait out the rush hour traffic it gets colder, water freezes and the streets sparkle like diamonds as you ride home drunk, just a tad, and the tires are quiet and it is good, instead of slushy and nasty the streets sparkle like diamonds.

Once days like this were rare.

2010-10-26T03:09:00.002-08:00

The lulls it's not just me with the chainsmoking boredom the lack of purpose give me back the high speed feats of daring-do.

You're a "suicide girl" right? Well why don'you...

2010-10-19T00:24:00.009-08:00

I may have stole the title from Mr. Jim Goad. It's late I can't sleep our cat has me pinned to the couch, I'm watching this thing called "A suicide girls guide to life" with sound off hence the title.I used to know girls who kind of looked like these girls once upon a time along the dachshund of time, the piercings, the tats, the hair dye, the punk rock Betty Page new wave fashion sense. One key difference if I were watching those girls cavort about in states of undress, I'd have to move the cat but something is missing or takes themselves a little too seriously and the cat may rest. As the show progresses I have a song going through my head it's so wrong but still funny. As I find myself traveling through time into the past and looking towards the future while watching soft core cable smut like a ten year old unaroused but unable to turn it off. Somehow it all still scares me but this now here with you and how lucky I am to have it and the sheer amazement of it keeps me awake as much as the pain in my body. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen tonights band "The Bloodhound Gang", enjoy the veal and don't forget to tip your waitress 'cause the owner don't pay shit.Playing us out Mr. Randy Newman. Good Night.

No coment about the senate race, just aint going there

2010-10-08T03:37:00.005-08:00

S S D D, shit

2010-10-05T03:28:00.006-08:00

History repeats like a bad carry out lunch. No it hasn't snowed yet. I just liked this photo my buddy Scot took last year and well, I do wear a lot of black but I'm to much of a close-out shopper to go all black but......shit.

So, boys, what's with the hat's?

2010-09-24T04:50:00.004-08:00

We bumped into each other awhile ago and spoke of weddings and bike and such, and so much to talk about but still I gotta ask, what's with the hat's? Accept baldness with dignity J can and I will or join the hair club for men, I still love you but I got to ask.BTW all you folks who singened my guest book on classmates, thanks but I aint paying to find out who you are, wanna get in touch do the fuckin' math, okay?

Happy, happy birthday to me

2010-09-13T23:44:00.002-08:00

Old bosses and bad attitudes

2010-08-25T01:12:00.003-08:00

Think about the past old jobs and this job and future jobs and the scars left on your soul. I go into someones place of work, they can tell I aint no courier, they're shit scared. they think I'm there to kill 'em and I...........................and we paraphrase and we don't say exactly what we're thinkin' maybe a twinkle in the eye gives it away, the knowledge that when that bad thing they always talk about happens I will survive, you.......so, eat that micro-wave pizza, eat it.

Anger, Fear, Hatred and Contempt.

2010-08-09T23:57:00.003-08:00

These may be bad emotions, for the first time in fourteen years I went four days without feeling those emotions, I was in a paradise an island paradise,so peaceful, so calm a few more days I might have gone mad. Perhaps I need those emotions to be complete, I actually missed the rain and the tourist and four-wheeled douches I missed the anger, fear hatred and contempt. Is that how sick I have become.

An Anchorage Bike Messenger Thing Boost

2010-07-24T00:50:00.003-08:00

Now I admit I don't get out much anymore so, I only know these cats from You Tube, never seen 'em live but I put this video on one of my rambling posts because I thought they knew how to talk about this weird place and next month they're opening for Snoop Dog. Just sayin' and keeping it real, kidding. Congrats guys hope to make the show.

That's Kirk. Yeah, like fuckin Star Trek

2010-07-16T00:46:00.005-08:00

Miss you Dad. In 1969, the year of Woodstock my father purchased the album that this video came from. I was four. He came home and immediately put it on the record player. Mom ducked out somewhere. I stuck around. It's my first memory of seeing my Dad experience joy. One of my favorite Albums of all times. Thanks, ya Old Bastard. Rest in peace.
.

Some day I'm gonna quit this shit.

2010-07-13T01:33:00.003-08:00

Says the crackhead
Says the junkie.
Says the bike messenger,
But just let me get high, really high like when I started,
Just one more time then,
I'm done no, really I'm done.
Yeah right.
When they pull the stem out of your mouth,
When they pull the needle out,
When they pull the bike from your cold dead thighs.Back when I had my first taste this song was a new one. It had the rhythm of winter at least winters then which are not as good as winter now. Melodic, thrash, melodic, thrash repeat as needed

I remember

2010-06-20T00:37:00.003-08:00

Early on during our courtship coming down west high hill, cutting through the stoner golf course rolling onto I st. mid-winter as the sun rose, this song would roll through my head.

Sweet Darlin' let me play ya some songs

2010-06-17T23:29:00.009-08:00

My mentality it's a little gangsta as you watch the video note a couple key things after our protagonist lines up his dream date he says. "As I hit the door thinkin' will I live another twenty four" same thing when I hit the door, he determines it's a good day based as much on the bad things that did not happen as the good things that did. Like him I am a professional criminal. True my crimes are traffic violations mostly and the violence is mostly directed at me and no compact Glock on my belt but still it's close everyday could be your last you play that way, you make love that way, like it could be the last time like the hammer could fall any time and you tell yourself you didn't have a choice but you can't even imagine living any other way....... and then I have some other issues

but baby doll I'm yours to have and to hold and I will do the best that I can. I still gotta be me

A song for Toronto

2010-06-13T04:37:00.006-08:00

You've got the G20 coming up, now, closest I got to something like that was this whaling conference." The Man" expected the worst and he was ready but there were no fake anarchists. Nothing happened "The Man"was alert but bored and I obeyed the letter of the law, the story had a happy ending, "The Man" did not bother me, but it was a.

and it was anoyying. Just thinking about you and wishing for the best and hoping your cops will be as bored as mine were.

Do a little dance

2010-06-05T01:57:00.006-08:00

Today I found myself wondering if I still had "it" in me. That thing that makes a messenger, well,..... a messenger? Have I become to soft, to comfortable? Can I still throw down? Yes, oh thank the God I don't believe in, oh yes I can still dance!

I'm here all day, Anchorage Alaska dog, that's my hood.

2010-06-01T21:03:00.009-08:00

Hit play for the background music. Wait 25 seconds, okay..........I try to talk to you about this shit but you don't get it.Where else can you catch a stray from a "gang related shooting" or get stomped to death by a moose at about the same odds where else can a bike messenger say "I saw the nicest beaver in the bar tonight." and not be talking about a ladies lady parts but the pelt his buddy brought in. Fresh off the trapline.That's my hood.
Let us raise a glass to our fallen comrades and to those who "get it" and the other kindred spirits.
Just maybe, on memorial day we should take a moment to think about those who severed and are still living.

Darcy Allan Shepherd, this song is for you my brother , I miss you like all the others

2010-05-25T21:18:00.003-08:00

I can't really talk about this now, I just can't find the words but I gotta say something.

Downtown just aint the same.

2010-05-25T20:51:00.002-08:00

It's homogenized and disenified and oh so wholesome. A few patches of good honest sleaze remain. It's just not the same. Bukowski would have felt at home not that long ago.

Sometimes you just have to skip town.

2010-05-14T16:19:00.004-08:00

I love Anchorage but sometimes it just gets on your nerves. To make matters worse I go to the bar and I get cornered by these life draining fucks, see my last post. I want to have a few drinks with people I like but, no. Tourist season is coming and I'm starting to almost hate downtown So, I took a little jaunt to Amsterdam. The wife and I had lovely time, quite relaxing, thank you very much. The best part about going to Amsterdam when you live in a place with a large tourist industry is it makes your hometown tourist less annoying. You find yourself feeling like the ultimate geek tourist. Ten seconds later someone come in and bumps your self-esteem up a couple notches.

Sometimes someone else said it better

2010-03-11T00:56:00.001-09:00

Another night in the "messenger bar".

2010-03-02T21:20:00.001-09:00

What more can you say?

Sometimes it's like this...

2010-03-02T03:20:00.003-09:00

And sometimes it's like that and kind of like that other thing.
Once your like this and now your more like that but your a little something else
Sane man with a strained thigh muscle and can't sleep, knows he has a busy day ahead, he stretches takes some over the counter something.
Bike messenger he stretches has a drink or three blogs about it.

Or maybe your something in between but soon you'll be this guy.

On ice, then slush and it's all good.

More advice for young people

2010-02-25T23:17:00.003-09:00

You passed the test you got the license to steel go ahead do it well it's fun after today it's work. "Good drinkins good thinkin'" but it's still work.

Advice

2010-02-24T02:30:00.005-09:00

Every human life is a work of art. That's don't mean every human being is a good work of art or even a work of art worthy of hanging on the fridge.

"Ya gotta quit smoking, that'll kill you"

2010-02-17T01:20:00.003-09:00

Dear God could I be that lucky to live so long for the cigarettes to kill me. Every time I go to work one small mistake and I'm dead or worse. Let me be so lucky as to die a painful death from tobacco years form now rather then die a painful death on the street tomorrow. When I hang up my cleats, then I might stop but I'd hate to think of myself as a quitter. Until then please stay out of my body bag, just get off my ass.

Happy Birthday, Sam

2010-01-21T02:29:00.002-09:00

Los Anchorage you call it

2010-01-21T00:30:00.008-09:00

You say it so smugly. Well fuck you, you need us to be Los Anchorage, where else are you gonna get your supplies, where else can you have your crack, booze, hooker binges. Without us your frontier thing would shrivel up and die. How many frequent flyer miles on your account. How many trips to Seattle? Me I am who I am, I live here I accept it for what it is. Do you truly accept where you live? Why you hangin' in Los Anchorage, anyway? I live in Los Anchorage where growin' up here, it's a lot like this and a little like this . We called it Spenard and it was a little more diverse. Small town charm and big city convenience Infused with a frontier spirit. I got a buddy with a Cessna who owes me big. Know what I'm sayin?

If I were more of a prick this would be my answer.

2010-01-13T02:59:00.002-09:00

Stupid questions

2009-11-28T16:04:00.002-09:00

What do you do in winter?
Where's the thing you never go to and seldom think about?
Wheres the liquor store?
Is the coffee any good here?
Do you use studded tires?

Just thinking about you

2009-10-02T05:38:00.003-08:00

When I came up to bed you sort of pushed me out you were sleeping, it was one of your deep sleeps. The kind when I know you need to sleep. I could have moved you but I would have risked waking you. Instead I dozed on the couch I woke from time to time and I thought of you my one true sweet love

Birthday

2009-09-12T23:35:00.005-08:00

I'm taking a moment to reflect. In less then an hour I turn forty four an age when I said I'd hang up my cleats when I would be a messenger no more. I've got chronic pain in both shoulders. A sane man would ........ Me I wanna get all Charlton Heston and hold my bike over my head and shout. "From my cold dead thighs, from my cold dead thighs!!" Come to think about it I read about some messengers catching some cat stealing one of their bikes. They beat on him a little but he could still walk away. Some folks thought that was a little much. I say fuck those over-privileged whiny pussies they have no clue what it's like to have something you've worked for, that's become a part of you as well as being a tool you use to feed yourself taken from you.

I miss my Daddy

2009-08-25T00:30:00.004-08:00

I miss the drunken phone calls. "Boy, ya still a big ole whore pedalin your ass on the streets of Anchorage?" I just miss the bastard he may not have been the best Dad but he was the only one I had and without him I wouldn't be the man I am. I miss you Daddy Christ knows I do.

Another late night

2009-08-04T02:01:00.001-08:00

Trying to sort out what is and how it got to be that way. Fuck what else can you say.

There you were

2009-07-28T01:44:00.004-08:00

Not a care in the world fast free, death was the next stage of life
Would anyone weep for you, maybe?
A few tears shed but you thought Mom and Dad would understand
Now Dad lays dieing in a Florida nursing home.
You thought you'd go first.
and if Dad went it would be quick, a bar fight, a car crash but no
It's a wasting disease and drinking for the pain just took out his liver.
Had to live F L A a hundred places you could have supplemented the pain pills
with natural herb but
all you had was booze, you knew it, it worked.
It killed your liver.
Now I try to suppress that self-destructive thing, you don't pick fights
You're ready to fight if you have to.
If that's what it takes to get home to your wife and kitten.
When you want so bad to ride screaming into the night
A bottle of something in your bag, into the night
to twist and shout
to work it on out.
Can't do that no more
She'll worry,
So you try to do it quiet like.
It's not the same
When you rolled home bruised bloody and laughing
because the things spinning through brain finally made sense
Now you sit listening to some music you used to like
quietly strangling the demons you used to beat to death.

Sometimes you can just smell the stupid

2009-07-23T18:37:00.004-08:00

Like a big old cloud rolling in, you don't want to get caught in the storm.
Time to leave and seek shelter.
I've met you before or at least someone like you.
Your fun, your flirty and charming.
At first.
But as time goes by your just a problem.
I know you guys over at that table over there
At least I've known guys like you, don't think we need to hang out anymore.
And you in the truck, you can tell me, man to man here.
How small is it?
Or is it that you just can't use it right?
Or maybe it's that you just don't get the chance to use it?
Man drives like that on a public road
He's got to be trying to compensate for something, some sense
That he just isn't man enough.
I'll say "Hi" to your cousin when I hit Northern Lights.
That cloud of stupid hits smart people too.
One minute your a kind understanding and tolerant type.
The next your thinking about hitting people with a big rubber hammer.
Or your taking pictures of tourists taking pictures of themselves.
Time to flee.

Not everyone has a code to live by, do you?

2009-07-20T00:17:00.000-08:00

The lost, the confused, the sight-seer and the stupid

2009-07-13T21:17:00.007-08:00

They were all downtown today. Oh yes, they were.
Slow down speed up.
Piss me right the fuck off.
Rental car, bad map.
But some of you I love just can't help myself.
You who stop in for a drink
and stick around for the floor show
and sometimes it's you.
Then I love you all the more.
Thank you.
You humanize the others

Summer is a bummer

2009-06-30T00:58:00.008-08:00

At least as far as the work goes. Sporadic, a week of sheer mind numbing boredom and then a weeks worth of work all crammed into one day but then you are alive you have purpose you have meaning, you flow. Always the tourists which they tell you are not as good as the tourists of days gone by. On the package trip not spending a dime. Ain't sellin' like he used to. New tourist old tourist they're still in your fuckin' way and asking for directions to things you don't go to."Is the coffee good here?" There are five fuckin' places to buy espresso within a block, this one has a line. " 'Moose on the lose' what a cute T-shirt" Not when you've seen it go down baby, saw an old man stomped to death outside of UAA. Welcome to Anchorage, enjoy your stay, now get the fuck out of my way. You hover between the madness of too much and not enough. Summer is a bummer. Summer when the dark demons come by for a beer, to kind of hang out and chat put on some tunes and eat all your snacks. Yet , summer is so beautiful it hurts. I should take off from work leave it to the wannabes and fixter/hipsters and spare myself the up and down joyride to madness, just trying to hang-on until the snow falls. Summer when you have to much time to think about the thing you do and when it's slow you ask yourself. Why? And when it's busy, when you have more things to deliver then you have time, when it seams someones said to at least half the drivers. "Kill him but try to make it look like an accident. When your mind and body hurt from the things you did on that road slicing, dicing, weaving with a godlike grace doing things that you cannot describe, when you have to have a few just so you can go home and be a human being to the wife and kitten. Then the answer is all to clear. That you were born to this life, this is what God made you for and who are you to deny the will of your creator. Until then sit, have a smoke and a double shot of espresso. Wait, to live again.

Sometimes I find it so hard to say what I need to say

2009-06-10T23:19:00.005-08:00

"My Dad's in there he's like God to me. My gods in there he's like a Dad to me. 'Well give him all your cigarettes.' They said and he did time and got raped by guards and prisoners and knifed and kicked the shit out of and went in a hole for five months, three weeks and did not cry for nine years which is almost a million"
Steven Jesse Bernstein
When I can talk about this I will but until then here's a little song.

Sorry I didn't stop to talk.

2009-04-22T01:13:00.003-08:00

I did see you by the school as I headed back downtown. I might have stopped to talk but what with my father in the hospital I wanted to be up that hill before I had to take another call about that. Of course I didn't make it up the hill before that call came in. I could have turned around but I was on the clock when seconds could matter, I could not stop and chat. I like running into you it reminds me how happy I am now.

Here comes the sun

2009-03-18T16:30:00.004-08:00

It's early spring and the sun is brighter it can melt the ice again. Vast stretches of pavement are clear including most of downtown. Unfortunately what ice remains is really nasty. It's cold enough in the morning but things get a tad soft wet and slushy. Again more studs then you need because when you need them you really do need them. The grinding crunching noise is quite something. I still hear it for hours after I get off the bike. On the one hand I'll miss the winter on the other I look forward faster lighter bikes and quiet tires.

Ever feel like you've been cheated?

2009-03-06T01:00:00.005-09:00

Every fuckin' day
but you know me, I can't complain.
Annoyance idiots from out of town.
Nuisance idiots from other parts of town.
Nice car asshole, Now learn how to drive it.
Keep playing bullshit games with my life.
One night I won't be workin'
One night I won't be drinkin'
That night we will play
you and I and you will serve as
an example.
I will point out your stupidity
at the next stop light.
I'll say it nicely
You'll get pissed off cause some cat on a bike
told you how to drive.
and then your gonna do it
Make that move.
The one that makes what I do next
Justifiable
Rendezvous C'mon!

That folks is a little poem inspired by trying to ride home during the animal skinning festival aka. fur rendezvous.

Sometimes I can't sleep.

2009-03-03T01:07:00.006-09:00

Thinking about the past and some people I used to know. I try to talk about it have to borrow someone elses words. Where is my literary laxative when can I let my beer shit out.

I love my wife but oh, you kids........

2009-02-19T00:40:00.007-09:00

Come in for a beer it's okay.
We're your friends
We're not like the others
Stick around for the floorshow.
Sometimes it's you
and you don't even know it.
To paraphrase Ferlinghetti.
I am leading a quiet life
outside of Darwin's every day
watching the world walk by
in it's curious shoes
I once started out
to walk around the world
but ended up in Darwin's
I am the man.
I suffered
somewhat.
I should buy a
T-shirt.

The Monster

2009-02-11T18:38:00.005-09:00

I first met the monster in the winter of 90-91 , I was riding along the shoulder C st. between International and Tudor late for a shitty job. Suddenly in front of me was a city truck, to my left heavy fast traffic to my right a three foot high snow berm it looked sold enough. Suddenly I was on top of the snow berm ahead of the slow city truck then back on the shoulder, well past the truck. I can't tell you how I did it I just did. The monster is ones own force of will becoming almost a seperate being. It wants to be somewhere and it wants to be there now. It's heady mix of all ones emotions, your happy, your pissed-off, your screaming, your giggling and grunting and snarling alternately. The Monster likes to help out at work.
One day that sticks out in my mind. It's 4:24 Pm. I'm standing outside the courthouse. I'm thinking "The bags empty, filing deadlines 4:30, I'm pretty much done for the day. Yeah just head back to the office, do some paper work, unwind, yeah, groovy cool." Bam! The pager goes off, it's a rush job for one of my favorite clients a divorce attorney, sole practitioner, office two blocks away. "It can't be a court filing?" I pick-up, it is. To add a little color it's the peak of tourist season. Package trip tourists and cruise ship tourists allover Fourth avenue wearing matching jackets and mildly stupid. I head down Fourth. At the intersection with G st. there's a group walking across strung out so as to almost block the road. I don't remember if they were jaywalking or I was going to run the light, it's an easy one to run and there were minutes to spare. In that brief moment in time I wanted to say as quickly as possible. "Hey, look I know you folks are here on the vacation of your dreams and stuff but this isn't some quaint little fucking Disneyland, it's a city people have lives and jobs and my job is to get this piece of paper two blocks from here now! If I don't the person paying the person paying me , well their life could suck a little harder" The Monster says. "Hey I got it" His answer is from the movie "Full metal jacket", Joker let me see your war face! ARGHHHHHHH! It was just the thing to make one of the tourists break stride. Slipped between them and made the filing with a minute or two to spare. These days I don't get as many of those kind of rushes more same-days and the odd one-hour. He doesn't help out as much at work but when I'm eager to get home to my wife and our little cat he'll always drive me home. I still miss the divorce attorney she was a good client, the last minute rushes were good fun, most of the time.

Sub-zero like back in the day a long the way.

2009-01-08T02:24:00.006-09:00

Back again like an annoying friend, still annoying but strangely missed. At least for the first few days and then the old friend reminds you why he got on your nerves and still you dance, the band isn't quiet what it was. Your moves are so much better but the band can't quite get the groove it once did and you slide along waiting to respond ready to spring into action but this is not the time even tho conditions bring to mind another time , it wasn't ' 85 more like '98, I just had that song stuck in my head, a time when it was cold like this but not this page on the calender, remain calm just do what I do . About the photo, that's a lovely patch of forest ripped open last summer to make over-priced homes, happens all the time in lots of places but the funny part, if you look really close you can see a brick that used to be part of one of the over-priced homes that used to be there (at about ten feet more above sea level) until 1964 "good" Friday.That's Anchorage for 'ya.

In Anchorage, we don't mess around.

2008-12-10T13:19:00.008-09:00

When it comes to riding on ice or protecting our loved ones. It's been quite icy lately, the same wide flat platform that does okay in snow really pays off on slick shiny ice. Much like a shotgun works so well at close range by placing several projectiles in a small spread out area so do the tires by placing several tungsten carbide tipped studs on a small area. Some of the ice we had was quite impressive I wish I'd gotten a picture or two, to a winter rider it would look scary, almost as scary as having a gun pointed at you. I no longer fear ice or much of anything . A slight addition eight hours later, I was reminded that ice demands a certain amount of respect. I'm going to be in a lot of pain. At least I'm not him.

I like mountain bikes

2008-12-04T12:02:00.007-09:00

After thanksgiving we got some snow and road maintenance reminded me of the days when oil prices were low and the folks in charge of such things even more inept. There was a case of the post holiday slows.Followed by a brief mild cold snap. I can't complain. I had fun. Getting around was like going mountain biking only with cars. How do I know when were having a mild winter? When I start whining about not having done any trail riding the summer before. A regular to difficult winter I don't miss it. Earlier in one of my half-drunken can't sleep posts I referred to the weather changing sometime late in my early years. When I started it would get cold in October with some snow and it would stay cold until January or February then there would be a brief warm spell. The snow and ice would start melting, becoming wet, soft and slippery, then the temperatures would drop, everything froze back up until spring. Now it won't get quite as cold and the warm spells are more frequent. Snow, maybe get cold for a bit, melt, refreeze and like shampoo, repeat. That's the thing about Anchorage, sometimes the road becomes more like the off-road. If you asked me what sort of bike you need to work here? I'd say you need two. I'd skip over the whole fixed gear versus single-speed versus gears debate. There are good reasons to go with any of them and an equal number of good reasons not to go with any of them. It's all about what works for you, just try to keep things as simple as you can, the less time spent on maintaining your bike the more time you have for other funner things. I'd tell you to get one bike more on the road cyclo-cross side of things with room for a studded tire. Say, at least 700x35c with 700x40c being better. The other for big fat studded tires (well 2.3 is the fattest factory studs for now) on wide rims. You might be thinking about this, that and the other thing. If you have the dough they would come in handy but you might want to get a second set of wheels for it with slightly narrower rims and some Nokian's, maybe "29'ers" . They don't make tungsten carbide tipped studs in super wide yet and you'll need those more often for the nasty brown stuff over thick ice, you'll only really find super wide tires useful for about five days a winter when there's enough snow to cover most of the ice.

Brought the sexy back

2008-11-27T01:51:00.013-09:00

Yesterday and the day before I found that joy from the early days. The equipment is a little better the skill or as the youngsters say "my mad skillez was poppin" or whatever they say, the body older and the ride home is not the same, I'm not sure if I'm Endicott or Kid Creole or most likely some mutated combination. I slithered over the semi-compressed snow.It's not really snow any more, ice flakes,dirt, it's been there for some time. The mayor is a senator now and whose gonna be acting mayor has turned into a pissing match. While the cats are away some mice play and some places get plowed too soon and others too late. The homemade studs were good in most things but they sucked in the brown crap over ice and they didn't last long. That's where the tires I use now really justify the price . Good to do the winter dance It has that kind of feel to it that sort of rhythm to it. That sort of flow. If that makes any sense, I'm tired, I hurt, I've had a couple but it's all good. My true love sleeps upstairs and my kitty has me pinned to this couch. The bike seat is always a first class seat.

Happy happy Thanksgiving.

2008-11-25T01:45:00.007-09:00

Really I mean it, I really do .

Insomnia, Reflections of old bikes and big snows and curent woahs, had to be said in song and story

2008-11-21T01:45:00.015-09:00

Let's turn back the hands of time until we break the little bastards wrists. It was the late nineties municipal revenue was slowly climbing up, we had a mayor trying to make downtown a showplace if you will. I rode a Kona Hot. I'd brought it with dreams of running the Iditabike before I was a messenger, I was a tad stressed at the time. She was a fine beast with a pair of SnowCat rims a home studded specialized cannibal size 2.2 in the back, a home studded Gary Fischer bear trax size 2.5 up front . Great in the deep snow and we got it. It would start early you might run the skinny tire bike at first but hit the seven inch mark at mid-day when the snow had been compressed, disturbed and churned up with car snot, then you needed some float tire pressures creeping down to 7psi as the afternoon progressed and there would be a certain rhythm as you rode when many fear to drive. It was good. You were on the road all afternoon until the last signature collected and yes it was good as you did that dance upon the snow-mix twisting and shifting as if you were making some strange kind of love with the bike and the road and the snow and the traffic, passing you and then they noticed that you were going as fast as anyone should go on that road at that time, the SUV paralleling you on the two-lane afraid to go faster and you laugh until you realize that when the SUV gets into the well deserved head-on they'll be pushed right into you. You dropped at the AG's office it was good. After a time one learned that it would take the city until midnight to clear downtown and what is a courier to do with time on his hands, a few bucks in his pocket (It was the late nineties there, Sonny Jim or Jill, cough, hack, expectorate) and single what to do but hang out in downtown bars. You drink a little too much because shit hurts and stay a little too long and tho you can find your true love there, it happens it really can and it did but not then, I'm just sayin' the odds are not good. So you ride half walk home because home is not downtown and not downtown was next on the plow list, you walk the last few blocks go to sleep, maybe do it again the next day and it's good. Then the weather started to change.......and now, you know who you are but I still love you. I am happy in my sleeplessness as I think fond thoughts of my sleeping sweethearts and I'm looking forward to a day with a friend from my past. BTW Once I was a D. J.

Let's go for a bike ride downtown

2008-11-16T18:35:00.010-09:00

Thank You Seattle

2008-11-15T23:31:00.006-09:00

My wife and I had a lovely time last week at the after work thing. It's always a pleasure to visit you are the embodiment of the word collegial. If your wandering about the first photo, that building has a special place in my heart. I first learned I had a very poor sense of direction after passing that particular building several times while trying to make my way back to consolidated works during the 2003 CMWC. This bike messenger can get from Pike to Pine in minutes because half the time he turns straight toward Olive. The second photo, if your ever burned out on Monorail go here it's real close to the best doppio in Anchorage. This might explain why I malinger at Monorail.

A heightened sense of awarness

2008-11-11T13:48:00.004-09:00

I was a tad harsh responding to that one fellows questions. You tend get a lot of well meaning cyclists asking about getting into this line of work because they think it's cool and it might be fun. It is believe me it is. The cool and fun come at a price that's what I was trying to get across. I've worked sick hung-over injured and while I was on the bike I was aware of everything around me I could almost sense whether the intersection ahead was clear and I felt good. I'd get off the bike say, to stop for some coffee. The good feeling stopped and the coffee shop could have been on fire and I still would have walked up the counter to and ordered. "May I have a cheese bagel with that and why is it so warm in here?" Now I've learned to rest the illnesses and injuries I don't rest the hangovers maybe it's some weird protestant guilt thing or maybe it's a desire to keep some standards. Today I'm sitting with my cat hoping an antagonized shoulder gets better before tomorrow. Today is Veterans Day,it's a day off for me. I can't help but think about what those guys and ladies have gone through in service to their country. I've talked to great many and in my own life not just as a messenger but prior has given me just the faintest ghost of a taste of that. The only thing I can say is simply. Thank you very much.

So you want to be an Anchorage Bike Messenger?

2008-11-02T20:01:00.004-09:00

I got the following in an E-mail
"Hey man,
I was wondering how you got into being a bike messenger in Anchorage.
Need some help? I need a second career that can keep me biking all winter.
The commute just isn't enough."
I didn't answer because it's so terribly hard not to be sarcastic or just sound like an arrogant prick but fuck it. Where to start. I could start by pointing out that the difference between commuting and messenger work is rather like the difference between going down to the river with a brick of .22 long rifles to shoot tin cans and doing convoy escort duty in Iraq. As I ride I find my hand hovering over my front break lever, ready, I think it could be worse it could be the trigger of a belt fed machine gun. I imagine ones state of mind in both circumstances is rather similar. "See everything, admire nothing." The actions are different, the break lever is passive, the machine gun is aggressive but both are defensive, the goals are the same, come home alive. The guy working the belt-fed knows hes at war, you have to figure it out as your enemy is more incompetent then hostile not that there are not hostile nasty hating motherfuckers who will kill you given the chance. A commuter has a fixed amount of time to get where they need to go. A messenger is always in a hurry everything is a rush the more you carry the more you make. Then there are the serious rushes, where at a minimum, at the very least someones career is at stake but it could be a lot more but beyond that is your sense of honor because you said. "I can do it." or even "I'll try."
I could respond to the offer of help. I don't need help. I need partners. Committed partners, the sort with experience, who know what their getting into. I don't mean to be insulting, this is not a thing for the faint of heart, the weak of spirit. Bring in a few clients, no same day route service, I'm talking on demand service here, then we'll talk.
I could respond to this fellows need to ride all year. There's no nice way to say it. Sell your car and harden the fuck up. Get two or more bikes refuse to accept rides or take the bus. If your not riding, you're walking. Problem solved. That's how I lived my life from the start of the first gulf war until a sweet wonderful girl started louring me into her truck. I didn't want her to worry about me getting to where we were supposed to be together and more importantly I didn't want to be worrying about her while I rode.
Oh yeah, how did I get into being a bike messenger in Anchorage. I thought being a bike messenger would be cool. I lived in Anchorage, I didn't want to move. After two years of working door in Spenard it seamed like a good idea. Yeah it's cool, baby. Like smoking, it could kill you and it's hard to quit but it sure looks cool.

So, the snow has melted.

2008-10-16T20:53:00.005-08:00

And I still have that song stuck in my head and I still feel old but that's life but I am young compared to my peers and I still remember the words spoken to me by a brother messenger in the city of Dublin, (I think he may have been Sumoi but I couldn't place the accent) after he had taken a header snagging on a post in the middle of the street when the Missus and I had asked if he was "Okay" it was one of those spills that was most likely nothing but it could have been something. "I am Messenger I know how to die but not today, not like this." Cheryl was puzzled but I just said to myself. "Well all righty then." because well, I am messenger and I know how to die and I ain't going down like that either. Like the kids say. Know what I'm saying. And if you don't know and can not empathize. FYI GFY. Oh yeah, this time I remembered the camera just forgot to take any pictures, whoops.

Well I danced

2008-10-14T20:38:00.005-08:00

It was everything I expected it to be. It was beautiful for that moment, a moment that can happen on any working day, anywhere. That moment when you are all things, you are you, you are the bike, you are the traffic, you are the road, you are as zen mystic bullshit as it sounds you are at one with the universe. During that moment and through out the afternoon I had a song stuck in my head. I couldn't figure it out my first thought. "It's Tuesday?" Yes I had both versions going through my head alternating perhaps because on the ice, snow, hard-pack, slush or combinations there of, the song remains the same but the tempo and style alternate. I couldn't figure it out. After coming home I listened very carefully to the lyrics. This is pretty much a song about a fucked up relationship speculating on why the other party has no empathy. I'm still puzzled. The Loveliest Lady Lawyer in Anchorage is well, wonderful. Then it hit me. Stop thinking male female. Think fucked-up relationship where the other party has no empathy and is abusive. Oh, now I get it. That and I forgot to bring the dam camera.